I have always wanted to swim with sharks. If I had a bucket list, which I would title "The Last Day I Do My Hair," swimming with big sharks is paramount, the kind of sharks that could rip you apart with a smirk, the kind that sneak up on you and take advantage of your weakness. I don't attribute this to fear or the desire to conquer, to tempt fate. In fact, I dream of this scenario often and wake slowly with a calm and measured breath. A dream I had last week where I couldn’t taste the chocolate and my boyfriend pinched my calf, I woke up in tears pulling at my leg sure I'd find it tender. I am still haunted by that one.
According to my dream research on swimming with sharks, I must be feeling resentment in my life or having bad feelings towards someone or something. Though I take these kinds of definitions with a 5 lb bag of salt, I must say some validity lives within the statement. I'm moving out, moving on, coming to a crossroads and want to blame everyone but know the fault lies only within my tiny (shaking) hands. My dream last night is left up to many interpretations. I was swimming in clear water with two amazingly spotted and frisky whale sharks. I felt calm and beautiful and I breathed whatever way they did as I did not have to come up for air. I would lay on their backs and without holding on, glide effortlessly with them as they circled each other. Then suddenly, a man entered the water, as if he had been dropped from a plane, and the sharks became nervous. The larger one came from behind me and opened his jaw so wide at me then took only a nibble from my left thigh. I don't remember pain. There was no blood. Later in the dream, hours, seconds, I was showing my leg to my father and there was a deep fresh scar from my hip to my knee. We marveled at how I didn't have to get stitches and he said it would heal nicely. Then there was some sort of apocalypse and fire, no one spoke English and I was trying to save a colorful Korean lady and her small boy from a rich girl I went to High school with all the while knowing I was late for a wedding I didn't want to go to alone.
The dreamer is the author I believe, the dreamer has the rights. If I am to place any resentment or find ill feelings in this I put them on the diver, even if he was trying to save me. I didn't need it. What I need is to taste the chocolate. What I need is to be full.
